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Grandpa Henry
Jul. 20th, 2004 02:36 pmSo, I should update with major life events, yes?
I found out on Monday morning that my paternal grandfather died on Sunday. He hadn't been doing well for the last month, so I suppose it's not as much of a surprise as it could have been. The funeral is Wednesday -- it's not Jewish tradition to wait so long, but there were some extenuating circumstances, and Jewish traditions didn't matter much to Grandpa Henry in any case.
Now, for me, Grandpa's death leads to sadness that I didn't know him very well, as much as it leads to actual mourning.
I don't know that I want to write an elegy for him here. Mostly what I wanted to talk about was the ways that he was lucky (which is a reaction I'm not sure should be as uppermost in my mind as it is, considering that he just died and I should be feeling sad rather than thinking about the circumstances of his death. Maybe I'm in shock or rationalizing or something).
Anyway. He was in good health for all but the last month of his life. He lived in his own apartment all his life -- Dad only started thinking he might need to go in a nursing home a few weeks ago. My uncle, aunt, and cousin lived near him, and spent a lot of time with him, so he got to spend significant time with his son and grandson. It never seemed like his cognitive abilities were declining. He had friends and he could get out -- for all but a few years ago, he played tennis. Apparently his regular tennis partner was a woman, and Dad liked to tease him about his girlfriend.
The year I spent working with elderly clients has given me the idea that such independence, health, and social outlets are pretty rare for people in their mid-80s, much less people in their mid-90s. (I'm sure my sample size was heavily biased. Doesn't change my reaction.) In that way, I can't help but feel that Grandpa is luckier than my Grandmother, who is still alive and who has none of Grandpa's advantages anymore. Don't get me wrong -- ideally, Grandpa would have lived in the same excellent condition to be 110 and beyond.
So why did I want to say this? I guess -- one of the things that has been upsetting me this past year is what happens when people get old, when the life they carefully built for themselves seems to just totally fall apart. That didn't happen to Grandpa. Now that I think about it, it doesn't make me appreciably less sad that he's dead. Death and old age are hard all around, I guess.
Anyway. That's that. Hope your weeks are going okay, and that you're taking care of yourselves.
I found out on Monday morning that my paternal grandfather died on Sunday. He hadn't been doing well for the last month, so I suppose it's not as much of a surprise as it could have been. The funeral is Wednesday -- it's not Jewish tradition to wait so long, but there were some extenuating circumstances, and Jewish traditions didn't matter much to Grandpa Henry in any case.
Now, for me, Grandpa's death leads to sadness that I didn't know him very well, as much as it leads to actual mourning.
I don't know that I want to write an elegy for him here. Mostly what I wanted to talk about was the ways that he was lucky (which is a reaction I'm not sure should be as uppermost in my mind as it is, considering that he just died and I should be feeling sad rather than thinking about the circumstances of his death. Maybe I'm in shock or rationalizing or something).
Anyway. He was in good health for all but the last month of his life. He lived in his own apartment all his life -- Dad only started thinking he might need to go in a nursing home a few weeks ago. My uncle, aunt, and cousin lived near him, and spent a lot of time with him, so he got to spend significant time with his son and grandson. It never seemed like his cognitive abilities were declining. He had friends and he could get out -- for all but a few years ago, he played tennis. Apparently his regular tennis partner was a woman, and Dad liked to tease him about his girlfriend.
The year I spent working with elderly clients has given me the idea that such independence, health, and social outlets are pretty rare for people in their mid-80s, much less people in their mid-90s. (I'm sure my sample size was heavily biased. Doesn't change my reaction.) In that way, I can't help but feel that Grandpa is luckier than my Grandmother, who is still alive and who has none of Grandpa's advantages anymore. Don't get me wrong -- ideally, Grandpa would have lived in the same excellent condition to be 110 and beyond.
So why did I want to say this? I guess -- one of the things that has been upsetting me this past year is what happens when people get old, when the life they carefully built for themselves seems to just totally fall apart. That didn't happen to Grandpa. Now that I think about it, it doesn't make me appreciably less sad that he's dead. Death and old age are hard all around, I guess.
Anyway. That's that. Hope your weeks are going okay, and that you're taking care of yourselves.
