Thoughts on work

[muchabstracted]

There's a theme that you run into, reading books or articles about therapy. You inevitably come upon moments in which the therapist describes having had the following realization and conversation:

Therapist: Oh. Huh. I've been really irritating and unhelpful, haven't I?
Client: I like you anyway. You try.
Therapist: *facepalm*
(only, you know, motionless, 'cause you're not supposed to visibly *facepalm* around clients)

In articles and books, this sort of realization invariably leads into a description of what the therapist should have been doing all along. This suggests either that therapists can learn from experience or, alternatively, that we don't.

You: Erica, what on earth brought this on? As though I couldn't guess?
Me: *unmysterious and unrevealing*

Comments

[magnetic-pole.livejournal.com]

this scenario =/= therapy

this scenario = life

Don't worry, sweetie,
Maggie

[muchabstracted.livejournal.com]

Heh. Fair enough.

In this case, it was more of a relief than anything else, since I do have a slightly stronger sense of why I've had trouble connecting with some of the adolescents I see.

[rymenhild.livejournal.com]

Unrevealing my eye.

You know, even if your career is about being helpful, that doesn't mean it's humanly possible to be helpful all the time. I know it's also human to worry about this, but I wouldn't worry too much. Really.

[muchabstracted.livejournal.com]

(Unrevealing because that was not, actually, any information about the scenarios to which I was referring.)

Huh. You know, I didn't really think I was making a post in which I sounded worried. I mean, I am worried and anxious about this, yes, but I intended to sound wry more than anything else. If only because the set of incidents made me feel slightly less anxious.

[dushai.livejournal.com]

Yeah, what rymenhild said. No fair being upset with yourself for only being pretty darn good rather than perfect. :) I'm sure you're doing fine.

[muchabstracted.livejournal.com]

The previous conversation with you about this was actually quite helpful. Oddly enough, I'm feeling less immediately worried about how I'm doing now that I've had this set of incidents. Evidentally the post sounded more forlorn than I intended.

[ayelle.livejournal.com]

As someone on the receiving end of therapy, it seems to me that if the client is able to say that they still like you because they can see that you try (ie care) that means you really haven't been entirely unhelpful. It helps just to know someone's listening, and cares.

[muchabstracted.livejournal.com]

Yeah, whenever the therapists write about that sort of experience, they're being a little disingenuous, because it's usually clear that they've been somewhat helpful. They've just learned something new. I think it's a positive experience for the client because the power dynamics in the therapist-client relationships are temporarily shifted to be slightly more in the client's favor.

It helps just to know someone's listening, and cares.

*nods* This makes sense. Also, it sounds the argument for why you can have interns and beginning social workers doing therapy at all. Because, self-deprecation aside, it really does take some experience before a therapist has a set of strategies to use to help clients.

[ayelle.livejournal.com]

Heh (in response to your comment above) you sounded more wry to me than worried in this post!

Yeah, my first therapist was an internist. She was good, sure, she'll be a great therapist some day -- and most importantly she figured out that I needed more help than she was giving me and got me in to see the psychiatrist. Nevertheless, she was still just young and inexperienced, and after she left during the summer and I started seeing Meryl, with all her years (decades?) of experience, I suddenly realized what the difference was.

[muchabstracted.livejournal.com]

Oh good! I'm glad I didn't entirely mislead everyone.

I totally feel validated now (about the experience thing).

Also, it is reassuring, in an odd sort of way, that there is a difference between an inexperienced therapist and an experienced one.

[countessofgroan.livejournal.com]

It did sound like you were quite worried/annoyed, but then I saw your emoticon and realized you were just, well, bemused.

[muchabstracted.livejournal.com]

Yay for emoticons, then!

No, I have been worried about my lack of knowledge (tho' feeling a little better), and I am certainly frustrated by it, but neither emotion was the point of the post. Possibly what was missing was the background of general resignation to my knowledge and certainty that, yeah, therapists are inevitably irritating and unhelpful part of the time. If not more. :)